What am I putting my faith in?

I have been overwhelmed with thoughts lately, thoughts about my Faith, my past, my future, etc.  But, this is something the Lord was really pointing out to me this morning as I woke up.  Part of this I shared at a retreat this weekend, which prompted me to continue to think about. 
I went through a period of Spiritual darkness that I allowed to be triggered by other Christians.  I had been so deeply hurt, that I said I didn’t think I wanted to be a Christian anymore, which anyone who knows me well, knows that my Faith in God is the cornerstone of my life.   But, this was not because I didn’t want to follow Christ, but because I had based my own view of Christianity on other Christians.  I resigned myself to the fact that all Christians were hypocritical, backbiting, and legalistic.  While this is far from the truth about ALL Christians, I think these are things that ALL humans struggle with.  I know it was wrong for me to turn my back on the body of Christ, just because I had been hurt by part of it.  But, I was done.  I even told my parents, which is rare for me also.  I loved the Lord, although I was wondering where He had gone to leave me with this mess.  I believed in God and Jesus, I was just fed up with Christianity. 

During this period, I had several non-Christians who were so nice, loving, and encouraging.  I just kept thinking how wrong it was that I was treated better by non-Christians, than Christians who were supposed to be my family.  So, I started living more focused on worldly things, not necessarily bad things, but my heart was in the wrong place.  I know it was wrong for me to label all Christians this way, but I was angry, hurt, and it helped me justify my actions.  I knew the way I was living was wrong, so I kept praying and praying.  But, I felt like the Lord was a million miles away and couldn’t even hear what I was saying, or maybe didn’t care.  But, I continued to pray.  After several months, the Lord really got a hold of my heart, and reminded me of His calling on my life.  I was convicted, but it was so cool how he relit a passion in my heart.  He lit it brighter than it had ever been before.

After the Lord drew me back to Him, It became very clear that my focus should have been more on my relationship with the Lord in the first place.  But, I think that I should also recognize another element of it: I need to make sure that I am not causing others to stumble in their faith, because of my own shortcomings.  If I wrong someone, or hurt someone, I need to apologize and let them know that I did the wrong thing.  This is easy to say right now…I’m sure it will be much harder when I actually need to do it.  I need to remember that as a Christian, I am representing Christ – and that is huge, and that alone should change the way every Christian lives.  I may be the only Christian some people see...so am I living like Jesus?  Or am I living for myself and the world.